seattlejaycees Chapter 129 : Chapter 129
Chapter 129 : Chapter 129
Chapter 129 : Guilt
Sal sat in the small workspace of his dorm room and sighed deeply.
He had endured the night without a wink of sleep.
He started to worry if he would have to live like this in the dormitory for the next three years.
Staring at the list he had unconsciously written, Sal pondered for a long time which path he should choose.
Just a few weeks ago, he had filled this board with names of all sorts of disasters, but now it was full of his own pleas for help.
On the top right of the board was a schedule Sal had made weeks ago.
It detailed the remaining time at Quest Academy.
It was organized by six-month semesters, and Sal realized anew how quickly the semester was passing.
"Four months."
There were only about four months left until the Savior Class selection.
Since the Mounted Battle ended at the end of the first month, Sal had spent a full two weeks just attending classes while waiting for Chatfield to bring materials.
And during the hellish weekend that followed, he had to make evolving weapons and clear a Vampire dungeon alone.
Now it was the first day of the following week, but he had barely spoken to Hannah and Divinity.
Sal rubbed his eyes and shook his head.
The main culprit of this messy situation was himself, and next was the monocle.
Wearing the monocle while crafting certainly made the tedious crafting process easier.
In exchange, he lost human emotions and empathy.
He ignored messages and focused only on work, which was fine until that evening, but eventually became the root of the problem.
Blaming himself while looking at the board wouldn't help with the immediate issue of replying.
"Haa..."
Sal sighed and looked down at the messages on his tablet.
Now it was time to cross off the first line on the list and restore his lost Mentality.
-Divinity: Sal, the teams are gathering to discuss Mounted Battle strategies. We're meeting at the cafeteria at 8 PM.
-Divinity: Where are you? We're waiting at our usual spot.
-Divinity: Doom Society meeting tonight. Don't forget.
-Divinity: Sal, I looked into your future and saw something ominous. We really need to talk.
-Divinity: Looks like you survived the Vampire attack I foresaw. And you're back in the workshop again.
-Divinity: Sal, we need to talk.
Sal wanted to avoid that conversation.
He didn't even know how long he had been avoiding messages, but seeing messages pouring in from almost all his friends, he realized he had made a huge mistake.
He knew he was on Hannah's bad side too, but what pierced his heart painfully were Divinity's messages.
He had missed both the cafeteria meeting and the Doom Society gathering.
Sal hadn't even checked the message Divinity sent about the Vampire attack.
Thinking of the anxiety she must have suffered alone without knowing any context was terrible.
Knock, knock.
Just as Sal picked up the tablet to reply, someone knocked on his door.
Holding the tablet, Sal walked over, resolving not to make Divinity wait any longer.
If it was Hannah, he intended to make her wait until he sent a message.
Sal wrote about three words of apology, erased them, and tried to suggest a time to talk instead.
By the time Sal reached the door, he had erased even that suggestion message.
When he sighed and opened the door, Divinity stood there with her arms crossed.
Sal pointed at the tablet and opened his mouth.
"I was literally just about to reply."
"I know. But you would have dragged it out again."
Divinity replied bluntly and barged into the room without waiting for Sal's permission.
She paused briefly at the excessively neat state of the room.
It looked more like a showroom than a place where a student lived.
Before Sal could say anything, Divinity sat on the edge of the dresser and started talking.
"Okay, I'll get straight to the point. I looked into countless futures to see if you would survive that damn Vampire thing. I've already had this conversation over a dozen times in my head. I'm not in the mood to repeat it. I'll just tell you what you need to know, and let's leave it at that. Okay?"
It sounded like a question, but it wasn't.
Sal sat awkwardly on the edge of the bed and nodded.
Divinity looked up at the ceiling to compose herself, then continued.
"Every time we have this annoying conversation, you look so pathetic. So please, just look somewhere else while I'm talking, okay?"
Divinity's voice was tight with tension.
Sal knew he was walking on thin ice.
So he turned his body toward the wall.
Normally he would have thought it ridiculous, but Sal didn't want to see Divinity struggling like this, nor did he want to damage their friendship further.
"Thanks. I'll answer the things you always ask at the end first. I don't hate you. We're still friends. I'll forgive you in time. The real reason I'm angry is... I was convinced you were going to die, and I felt helpless because I couldn't do anything."
Divinity's voice changed, but Sal couldn't gauge the emotion without looking at her.
"I thought this happened because I kept pushing you to become a hero when you would have been happy enough just crafting and staying in the Support class. So feeling immense guilt is ultimately my problem. Looking into your future was also my choice, and I can't blame you for that. Stop!"
Just as Sal was about to turn around, Divinity's voice cracked.
"You've apologized over a hundred times for this. I feel guilty reacting like this too, but I still hate it. We're supposed to be a team... but I feel like you're eventually going to go your own way like a recluse artisan."
Divinity paused for a moment, unable to continue, then spoke with difficulty.
"In some futures, you leave on a train with strange technology before the second semester even ends. In another future, you create a guild but don't accept any of us. In yet another, you die clearing a dungeon or tower alone before even graduating! The most terrible one is a future where you enter a portal and never come back. Sal... I saw countless futures where you leave or die. Still, I'm trying hard to ignore them and believe what you told me. That you want to be here."
Sal knew Divinity was crying from the sniffle at the end.
He felt like he had become a monster.
Sal thought the probability of those futures becoming reality was slim, but he couldn't bring himself to say that to her, who had seen the visions.
"Can I speak now?"
Sal asked quietly, but no answer came.
He kept his back turned, palms resting on his knees.
"I know it's something you've heard about a hundred times. But I'll apologize one more time. I was distracted by other things and couldn't reply to your messages. I didn't consider your ability at all, and because I didn't reply properly for the past few days, you had to use your ability to check on me. I have no excuse. It's because I'm lacking, and I need to change. I'm clumsy at social relationships and learning a lot. But, I promise I'll improve."
"No, you have an excuse."
Divinity laughed, then corrected him with a tearful voice.
"You were dragged into that dungeon forcibly while trying to soothe Upgrade's inferiority complex. Expectations placed on you kept growing and suffocating you, so you locked yourself in the workshop to immerse yourself in crafting all day. Sal, you have a perfectly valid excuse. It's just that right now, you're not saying it because you're being the kind and considerate one as always."
"This is the only version of me, Divinity. I don't know what to say, but the other versions you saw aren't me. I'm not trying to do those things..."
Divinity cut Sal off, continuing what he was going to say without missing a word.
"I'm not trying to deny the visions you saw. I know how amazing your power is. But I am Salvatore Argento sitting in front of you. Not the person you saw in the future. Yes, Sal. This conversation repeats every time I break down crying. You always suppress your emotions because you don't want to burden me with them. But I hate that so much."
Sal blinked in surprise, stood up, and went to the bathroom.
He splashed water on his face, looked in the mirror, and wiped his face with a handkerchief.
Returning to the bedroom, he frowned and glanced at Divinity.
"Then tell me everything I didn't do in the futures you saw."
Divinity looked at him as if he were a two-headed monster.
"This is a first. There are infinitely many things you didn't do."
"Just humor me."
Sal gestured stubbornly.
Divinity sighed and waved her hand.
"You didn't use violence against me. A few times you acted defensively and said you needed time alone."
Sal shook his head and raised a hand to stop her.
"No, I'm not looking for more reasons to feel guilty. Just tell me the things I didn't do."
Divinity hesitated for a moment before speaking.
"You never offered a solution. Just like last time, you only promised to do better in the future."
Sal smiled.
Because Divinity was finally exposing the root of her real worry.
Sal didn't interrupt and let Divinity continue listing things he hadn't done.
"You never suggested a meeting first or asked to hang out together. You never made decisions, and I always had to find all the solutions. You never told me to rest and not use my ability, and you never praised me when I did well. You just assume I'd know naturally."
Divinity turned her gaze aside, scanning the list in her head.
What started with a few trivial thoughts had turned into a barrage of shortcomings.
A moment later, Divinity realized what she was saying, and her eyes went wide.
Sal raised a hand to stop her from apologizing.
"Since I've never given you anything either... stay here for a moment."
When Sal left the room, Divinity's face, sitting on the edge of the dresser, flushed with embarrassment.
Going to the workspace, Sal picked up what he was looking for and realized he could solve two problems at once with it.
Sal returned, hiding what was in his hand, and held it out.
Divinity raised an eyebrow and looked at him.
"Did you shrink my crown?"
"I made this a few days ago, and I want to give it to you. In the futures you saw, I never gave a gift without any coercion or special reason, right? So this is a gift for you."
Divinity held the monocle up to her eye.
"What function does this have?"
Sal explained the abilities one by one.
Perception, Reasoning, and the Calming effect. At those words, Divinity glared at him.
"You're giving me something with a calming effect? Are you saying I'm overly emotional?"
Sal skillfully dodged the sensitive situation and continued his explanation.
"I use this usefully to enter a state of immersion or block out distracting thoughts. I just thought you could focus more on Essence control with this during skill class. Also, you can distinguish when people are lying, and there are many other useful applications. You don't have to use it for that reason, though. Since you're a Controller class, it'll also help in formulating strategies or sorting out useful information from visions."
Sal watched Divinity's reaction carefully, like checking if a grenade pin was properly inserted.
Soon, relief washed over him as she smiled brightly, barely averting a crisis.
Divinity placed the monocle over her eye and looked at Sal meaningfully.
"You're tense and worried right now. Well, I could have figured that out without the monocle. You have a totally scared look on your face. Tell me a lie or a truth, anything. Let's see if I can tell."
Divinity turned on the dresser to focus all her attention on Sal.
Sal thought for a moment, then laughed and said.
"When I ran the dungeon with Chatfield and Upgrade, I wasn't scared at all."
Divinity grinned even wider and pointed at the monocle.
"Wow, this is the real deal, isn't it? That's a lie. Okay, next."
"I don't want to disappear into a portal."
Sal smiled, but Divinity didn't.
"That's not a lie. But Truth or Lie is too boring. Let's change the method. I'll ask questions. Who is your best friend?"
Divinity slowly crossed her arms and waited for Sal's answer.
Sal didn't even need to think.
"My father. And you, and Upgrade. Considering I didn't even know two of these three people two months ago... it's a bit pathetic."
"It's not pathetic at all."
Divinity answered without a hint of mockery.
"Okay, next. Why isn't Hannah on that list? Shouldn't she naturally be there if she's your girlfriend?"
Sal felt like he heard the sound of a grenade pin being pulled once again.